Connectedness.

As a therapist, my clients often ask me, “How do I stop feeling this way?” This question frequently comes in the face of great loss, seasons of unbearable depression, overwhelming anxiety, or complete burnout and exhaustion.

Before we can look at how to make something “stop,” we first have to look at why we feel this way in the first place.

Why do you think we have emotions?

What purpose do emotions serve? Take a moment to think through as many emotions as you can and ask yourself, “Why do I have this emotion?”

Happiness

Happiness reinforces what is going well and encourages us to seek more of it. We often experience happiness during moments of celebration, achievement, or connection. Notice how joy is frequently amplified when it is shared with others.

Whether we're announcing a pregnancy, celebrating a promotion, getting engaged, or closing on a new home, these experiences can bring happiness on their own. Yet sharing them with people we care about often deepens that joy.

Awe and Wonder

Awe and wonder often emerge when we recognize how interconnected we are with others and the world around us. These emotions invite us to appreciate perspectives beyond our own and remind us of our place within something larger than ourselves.

Sadness

Sadness signals that something important is missing, damaged, or disconnected. We often experience sadness when relationships are strained, when we lose someone or something meaningful, or when we spend too much time disconnected from others.

We may also feel sadness when we don't feel valued, appreciated, or understood. While emotional pain can be difficult, sadness serves an important purpose. It draws our attention to what matters and reminds us of our need for connection, meaning, and care.

Guilt

Like sadness, guilt is often rooted in relationships. We experience guilt when we recognize that our actions have negatively impacted another person.

The purpose of guilt is not to shame us but to guide us. It helps us align our behavior with our values, repair relationships when necessary, and make decisions that reflect the kind of person we want to be.

Fear and Anxiety

Fear is our internal alarm system. It alerts us to potential danger and prepares us to respond through fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.

Fear helps keep us safe by identifying threats and mobilizing us to act. Anxiety, meanwhile, often involves anticipating a future threat or imagining something negative happening. Though anxiety can become excessive, its original purpose is still protection.

Disgust

Disgust is a strong aversion that encourages us to avoid things that may harm us physically, emotionally, or socially.

We often experience disgust through our senses. Rotten food smells and tastes disgusting, likely because consuming it could be dangerous. But disgust also appears in moral contexts. We may feel disgust when witnessing cruelty, exploitation, or actions that fundamentally violate our sense of human dignity.

In these cases, disgust serves as a signal that something has crossed an important boundary and that distance from the behavior is warranted.

What Do These Emotions Have in Common?

I could continue, but do you notice what all these emotions have in common?

The most obvious answer is that they all help keep us safe. They tell us what feels good, what feels bad, what to approach, and what to avoid. As uncomfortable as some emotions can be, they are often trying to communicate something important. In their own way, they are attempting to protect us from real or perceived threats.

There is another common thread as well.

Nearly every emotion has something to do with our connection, or disconnection, from others.

We tend to feel our best when we experience meaningful relationships, contribute positively to the lives of those around us, and engage in activities that provide purpose and meaning. Much of our identity is shaped through our interactions with others.

When meaningful connection is absent, when isolation becomes prolonged, or when our work and relationships feel disconnected from purpose, emotions such as sadness, depression, and anxiety often begin to emerge.

So rather than running from your emotions or pushing them down, try asking yourself:

How is this emotion trying to keep me safe?

Stay rooted. Keep growing.

EP